When Andrea joined me to share her story of loss. we found ourselves navigating the heart-wrenching paths of grief together. Throughout our conversation, she bravely offers a window into the solace she's discovered through expression and support, while we both share the unique ways we've grappled with loss. It's a topic that touches everyone, yet the way we stumble and stride through our sorrow is deeply personal. We lay bare the challenges of processing grief, from the heightened emotions during holidays to the intricate task of guiding our children through their own bereavement.
Finding a therapist who fits can feel like a relentless quest, yet it's a crucial part of our healing journey—a truth Andrea and I have both faced head-on. We candidly discuss the emotional toll of retelling our narrative to different counselors, the nuances often lost in communication, and the laughs and frustrations that come with it all. Furthermore, we contemplate the unexpected shifts in our identities and relationships in the wake of loss, recognizing that despite the pain, we find ways to move forward and cling to the moments that bring us joy.
We wrap up this episode with a peek into the lighter side of life's unpredictability, as I recount the whimsy and challenges of rural living—complete with cow escapades and the need for a bovine companion for our lonely farm friend. Andrea's presence not only enriches our dialogue but also reminds us of the resilience of the human spirit. So, whether you're in the midst of mourning, searching for mental health support, or simply in need of a heartfelt chuckle, this episode offers companionship and a reminder that in sorrow and in humor, we are not alone.
When Andrea joined me to share her story of loss. we found ourselves navigating the heart-wrenching paths of grief together. Throughout our conversation, she bravely offers a window into the solace she's discovered through expression and support, while we both share the unique ways we've grappled with loss. It's a topic that touches everyone, yet the way we stumble and stride through our sorrow is deeply personal. We lay bare the challenges of processing grief, from the heightened emotions during holidays to the intricate task of guiding our children through their own bereavement.
Finding a therapist who fits can feel like a relentless quest, yet it's a crucial part of our healing journey—a truth Andrea and I have both faced head-on. We candidly discuss the emotional toll of retelling our narrative to different counselors, the nuances often lost in communication, and the laughs and frustrations that come with it all. Furthermore, we contemplate the unexpected shifts in our identities and relationships in the wake of loss, recognizing that despite the pain, we find ways to move forward and cling to the moments that bring us joy.
We wrap up this episode with a peek into the lighter side of life's unpredictability, as I recount the whimsy and challenges of rural living—complete with cow escapades and the need for a bovine companion for our lonely farm friend. Andrea's presence not only enriches our dialogue but also reminds us of the resilience of the human spirit. So, whether you're in the midst of mourning, searching for mental health support, or simply in need of a heartfelt chuckle, this episode offers companionship and a reminder that in sorrow and in humor, we are not alone.
Welcome to grief sucks life after loss. I'm here today with Andrea. Hello, how are you today?
Speaker 2:I'm pretty good. How are you? I'm good.
Speaker 1:Thanks for agreeing to share your story with us today. Yeah, no problem.
Speaker 2:Um, I have a lot of experience with grief. Unfortunately, unfortunately, yes, yeah, that's one of those things like. It's One of those skills that it's good to have, because then you can become Relatable to other people and you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:But it's awful that it's a skill that you have exactly right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I Think the I Was talking to my therapist about this last week and I was like, okay, so I'm gonna go do this thing. And he was like alright, like well, what are you gonna talk about? And I was like just grief in general, you know, it's like. It's like okay. He's like well, what do you think that you're going to get out of it? And I was like, if it's going to help somebody else, then I'm that, I'm here for that. Like, as far as I know that eventually, reflecting back on things, it'll Come to me in a different way later on down the road, maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and I think that just freely talking about it, maybe to someone other than your therapist, I Think that helps in a sense too, but I do think what we're doing Will help a lot of other people who may feel alone or, like Shelby and I talked about, where dark people when it comes to death.
Speaker 1:I was like we're not really normal, so Uh-huh, for those people that are going through things like that and you're you have those odd thoughts that you You're like this is not normal for dealing with this stuff, but it is. I mean, you're not the only one out there like this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely I was. I had one of my cousins who was younger than me. About three or four weeks ago I got a phone call and One of my aunts told me that he got shot and killed and I was like, oh my gosh, like, oh no, what? So this is. He was 32 and it was just a very, very sad situation of what had occurred, and you know a lot of Living in a small town. There's a lot of assumptions about what really happened, and you know so. Things can get messy in that regard too and make it that much more difficult when you're trying to grieve.
Speaker 1:So I'm sorry to hear about that.
Speaker 2:Trying to trying to help the family. You know, see through all the the web of nonsense, you know, and that's hard sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure, definitely, and it's a 32 geez, it seems like the deaths are getting younger and younger and it's almost like every time, every morning I open Facebook, there's somebody died and there's more and more younger people and more and more kids, and it's hard to make sense of it, you know, it's like yeah, why, why? It just doesn't make sense to me and I do struggle with that, that aspect of it, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, we had a tragic accident happen On our property over the summer and it involved one of our Travel soccer girls drown in a lake and just Not only going through it as an adult, but then watching all these kids experience that type of trauma, that young and everything like it, just it's still really hard. But Then, like I see how the girls honor her, you know, and at every chance that they get and I'm like At least they're, you know they're trying to find their own way through things.
Speaker 1:It's wild. How do you because I have thought about you guys a lot since that what did you do to help your daughter kind of get through that loss, because I mean that was huge for her right?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, she was down there whenever it happened, so you know, as a parent, your mind's everywhere Like, oh my gosh, you know what's the right thing to do. So we just Thomas and I both handle grief very differently. I now know that I have to go and talk to somebody and I need to talk it out to the fullest extent before I can kind of grips with it and then move along. That's not how Thomas is. This process seems much quicker and more just keep moving. Yes, exactly so I remember. I mean I tried that at one point in my life. That didn't work for me either.
Speaker 1:And we all process everything differently. And it's talking to the therapy therapist works for you. When I went to a therapist I'm like I'm pretty sure you never lost anybody in your life. You're probably not working out for me. I went to a therapist and I was done.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, I mean I was really open with Emma about why I needed to go to therapy and what I was experiencing. I mean I kept it. I didn't give her the full script version of it, but you know I was very open with her about the things that I was dealing with and that, from things that I've experienced in the past, I know that certain things are going to hit me differently at different times.
Speaker 2:So I knew that being around all of the girls after that happening was going to be really hard for me. That's just how my brain works and at the same time it was really comforting to see them all together too. So I explained that part to her. Thomas asked her if she would be interested in going to talk to anybody and she said no. She wanted to be more artistic and she journals that kind of thing, so that part works for her.
Speaker 1:That works for me too. That was. A big part of mine was journaling and writing letters and just a lot of self-reflection. But as a parent it's so hard to navigate that you don't know. Hey, they mostly don't want to talk to you about it and in a sense maybe they don't know how, but you just don't know if you're doing it right, if you're doing it wrong, if you're going to fuck your kids up, if you're. You don't know how to navigate it and we're all just oh, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:And that's a thing like I try to if I know that I'm having one of those days where my anxiety, as soon as I wake up, it's already at like 70%. Whenever I hit my feet, hit the ground, I try and keep that in the back of my head, that whenever I go to 100 really quickly, it's because, hey, you started out here today and you only had this much before you went to 100. You were tapped out and that's okay. Yeah, absolutely. So trying to explain that to Emma too like you're going to have days where it's going to hit you harder and you're not going to be able to give as much as you maybe you want to, and that's okay, yeah, some days you can give it your all, and so some days you don't got anything to give.
Speaker 1:You're happy, you got up today.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yeah it's.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's wild, that's for sure, but it's all okay, it's all navigating and it's part of learning how you get through things like this and the grieving process doesn't. I don't think it ever goes away. I think we're always going to have those days, especially when it was tragedy or sudden or things like that that those you're going to have, those days where sometimes you're going to cry all day or you're going to cry for a moment and then you're fine or sometimes going to remind you of that person or whatnot. I had it was last year at the nephew's birthday party. Literally I woke up and I cried all day, the entire day. I left his birthday party, drove all the way home to get his gift and drove all the way back and I just cried all day long. I'm like what the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I stop?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I had a similar situation the birthday, emma's birthday after my mom died. I remember like I was so anxious about all of those holidays. My mom passed away in May of 2020 and then it was my sister's birthday, was like that following weekend after the service, I guess, my birthday and then Emma's birthday. So it was just several things that my mom would have been there for right away and she was it. I was so, so anxious about it. I was like, just don't have any expectations about the day, just let it happen. But my anxiety was already at 200% and the smallest thing would go wrong and I'm like, oh, okay, well, I'll go do that, just so that I can have a second to myself and just feel whatever is happening. And then the mom guilt sets in. I'm like, oh, I'm supposed to be at my kid's birthday party, but here I am running trying to go get water balloons that somebody else easily could have gotten. But like wanting that control over something, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely. And I mean, like you said, the mom guilt sets in. But at the same time I mean you could only do so much. And sometimes you have to walk away because if not you're a slobber and ass mess in front of everybody. Then you have to explain to everybody and everybody's like what's wrong? And you're like I don't want to deal with that either, so just set myself away for a minute.
Speaker 2:Exactly yeah.
Speaker 1:And come back and try again. Reset, if you will. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like this time of year, the holidays setting, and like now at this point, like I don't have any parents left. So that's interesting. You know, I'm 35 and it's just me and my siblings and our families that we've created now. So it's a very, very weird thing and I imagine that on year in two, being so close to Valerie and everything, that this is a hard time of year for you to oh yeah, holidays are.
Speaker 1:I mean holidays are hard regardless, but we try to. I don't know. We try to just keep pushing through, like this year. I really wanted to be in the whole holiday spirit and Dylan's like no, not at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah our tree here at the house isn't set up or anything yet.
Speaker 1:We're behind schedule. It's up and it has lights and it's not going to get anything else. That's as far as we're going to go. We don't have stockings, we have bags and I think I have bags last year too, I know. I love that.
Speaker 1:I think we did the same thing last year, because we didn't pull everything out of the attic, we just got down the necessary stuff and it is what it is. I mean, we're just going to go with it and it doesn't have to be anything fancy, but we'll get through it, as we always do. But of course we'll miss those people that are no longer with us, and it doesn't make holidays a little bit harder?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's weird because, like my, traditionally in my family I would host Thanksgiving, my sister hosts Christmas and then my mom would host Easter. So now that mom's out of the mix, easter just kind of doesn't. It just falls to the wayside. But it's like the week before the holiday and my sister and I are like, oh yeah, hey, are we hanging out, are we getting together, are we going to do anything? I'm like it's just not that same.
Speaker 1:Easter is one that we've totally skipped since we got to go home. We just simply don't do anything we normally either.
Speaker 1:We've done the movies, we get in the car and just road trip it, but we don't do anything for Easter anymore. But my kids are grown too, so that makes it. It's just different type of traditions too, yeah, and I feel like sometimes when you're missing those people, like some holidays, you would just totally skip if you had the option to yeah, it's an easy one to skip, so we just do yeah, that's the one out.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's interesting. I remember so much about the holidays, specifically with my parents, from whenever I was really little and all of those little traditions, that now I don't have access to that house anymore. I don't have access to all of those special little things not just my parents, but just the way that it ripples out and I think that makes it that much harder to miss them during the holidays, because you're not just missing them as a person, you're missing everything that goes along with it. All of those memories and things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. It's a whole lot of emotions, especially when it comes to holidays, and then you find new traditions and you find new like you said, the families that you created. I think we've always been big on those. It's just crazy, just crazy. There's no other way to put it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then there's so many different levels of grief, because then you can also grieve the person that you were during that time too. You are no longer ever going to be that same person again, because the tables have turned and now. That's just not reality.
Speaker 1:I was saying about that this morning. I'm not the person I was two years ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, it's strange too, because the person that I was prior to my parents passing away is very different than the person that I feel like I am now. But I feel like I've grown so much in a positive way that sometimes that feels weird too, because I'm like oh well, no, they're gone and now I'm feeling better.
Speaker 1:You know 100%. I think about that all the time because there's some things I'm like with the studio. I think if KJ was still here, would I have that? I don't think I would. And then you feel bad because you've accomplished something, you're doing something for you, but you also feel like damn, did he have to die for me to get to where I am now? Yeah, that's a huge guilt for me, because I often think about things that we do and I'm like did it all have to go in sequence to get here? And so when you find happiness in certain things, you almost feel bad. I lost you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, no, are you there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm here, I can hear you, but I can't see you. That's okay. Okay, I can see you and hear you. I don't know what happened, I don't know I can hear you somewhere Just going to keep going. I'm just not where. So yeah, I mean, often it's just you feel bad because you're happy, yeah. I guess If that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or like you've accomplished things that, yes, of course you wish they are here for and could be along that journey of being happy and excited for you and with you. But would it have all gone the same Right? Yeah, I get that. The day that I got my mom's inheritance checked whenever we were closing out for a date, I had just started hair school and I was just on like cloud nine because I had finally done something that I've always wanted to do for myself and it just.
Speaker 2:I didn't expect that little piece of paper to make such a big impact on my head and as soon as I got it in my hands, I was like this is it. That's all that's left. There's nothing like I lose this and then nothing. Yeah, it was such a weird feeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's there's so many tiny parts and then, yeah, you get that, that last you know, finalization of finalizing all the things, and you're like, well, shit, now what? Yeah, Because now there's totally Meanwhile everyone else has been moving on the entire time.
Speaker 2:Now you're just kind of barely starting to go yeah, at least in my situation that's how it was.
Speaker 1:No, 100%. I totally feel like most people were continuing as I mean as they should, because clearly it affects us way differently than everybody else and you can't be mad at people for that, but it does. It feels like your life stopped for. For mine was a solid year before I felt like I even started to life again. The second year was a little bit better getting into, but I feel like next year will be where we're really into the swing of things or back to life fully Right. But yeah, you feel like everybody else kept going and you just got stuck here and trying to figure it out and wing it and finalize the things and once you finish that up, you're just like oh yep.
Speaker 1:Well, that's, that's it, it's totally it yeah.
Speaker 2:Like that, the finalization of like even I remember when we were picking out the headstones and stuff like that, like that didn't even seem solidified to me by that point. And that was, you know so much seems so much earlier on in the process of whenever I lost my parents, that we they, we put my dad's earn in with my mom. So we just did one headstone for them. But even like, once that was set, I was like okay, that's just like a little chip off the you know off of the little grief tree that I'm on right now, like okay, I made it through that.
Speaker 1:So weird. Yeah, that's early on too, though, so you're still kind of in that fog. I felt like I was in that fog for a shit at least six months, but probably most of the first year.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, yeah, I feel how I got through anything Exactly, and I mean you're just every, every day, every hour, sometimes minute by minute, like it's just takes everything out of you. I'm like that's okay, because that's how you heal through. It is by taking the time to recognize like, okay, I gotta do the best that I can in order to get to my next, you know that next checkpoint, whatever, that is Right.
Speaker 1:Yep. Plus, you gotta take care of all the things and the kids and Try to take care of yourself and manage everything, yeah definitely, and I mean like losing anybody.
Speaker 2:I feel like there's an element of this, especially if it's unexpected. You know, like this element of you never get rid of that shock factor. Oh my God, I just never saw it coming. I never expected that that's how this was gonna go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a hard one when you don't Obviously any death is hard, but when it's such a shock and there was literally nothing to show you it was coming, there was no rhyme or reason, it just suddenly happened. Is, I think, christy and I talk about it often like do you think it's better to know?
Speaker 2:and I feel like the grieving is prepare for I feel like the grieving is different. If you are, I agree, if you know, like With my dad, we knew like it was stage four cancer that he had. So like we pretty much like I didn't understand what hospice was. Whenever my mom was like, oh, hospice is coming in, I'm like, okay, cool, they're gonna help him out, like bring him on in. Then, like everyone, like my grandparents are there and they have, like you know, like the preacher that I haven't seen in years, I'm like who is this dude and why is he here? Like everyone, like what's going on? And how old was?
Speaker 1:he when your dad was sick.
Speaker 2:Let's see, I would have been 24. I had Emma early because my dad was going in for a stem cell transplant and we weren't sure if he was going to make it back out of that.
Speaker 2:So I set up an induction date with my doctor, and so my dad got to meet Emma before she, before he passed away, and he lasted a couple of months after that, but it was a. He was very, very sick and deteriorated really quickly after that, which was very hard to watch, absolutely Not only as a daughter but as a brand you know a new mom and everything else Don't mind me. Oscar was just begging to be on camera. He was trying to beat down the door earlier.
Speaker 1:Do you think you it was a different type of grief? Do you think you handled it differently from when your dad passed to when your mom passed?
Speaker 2:Yes, with my dad, I didn't really Like I was working in a hospital setting whenever it was happening, and so I, you know, I felt like I knew a lot of what was going on or could go on that kind of thing, because I had a lot of different people that I could call to and be like, hey, my dad's having this, like, why, typically does somebody have to have this type of testing? If I had questions and didn't fully understand it, or if my parents needed things, you know, deciphered, that was different, because I think in my head it was more of like okay, there's definitely a medical reason right now, and that's what's going on, that's what's wrong, and the end of this equation equals death. Like that's just what this equation equals. So, because it was laid out so logically for me, I feel like that was quite a bit easier for me to wrap my head around.
Speaker 2:I still struggled with it, of course, but yeah, absolutely, because I could pinpoint different things to okay, well, you know, this test didn't go correctly. So now, that's why we're here, and just having those answers made it very different for my brain to go through the process of like, yeah, it sucks that he's not here, but yeah, he's, he was in a lot of pain and all of those things. You know, you can see it very differently, whereas if it's unexpected and you're like what do you mean? They're just not here anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is therapy your main thing.
Speaker 2:that's helped you with grief With your grief Therapy journaling. I'm definitely a pen or pencil to paper type of person. I find that my head quiets quite a bit more if I write things out and give myself the time to actually try to solve the problem myself, so to speak. You know, like okay, because I'm the person that's going to dig and be like why do you feel like this?
Speaker 1:Why like, at the end of the day, like let's get to the root of the problem, but that's good, because that's really what's needed and that was one of my big things was a lot of self-reflection, a lot of really filling it to be able to heal better Right Not quicker, but better and be okay with what has happened.
Speaker 2:Yes, a more well-rounded. I feel like it's a more well-rounded understanding of how you feel at the end of the day, where you've gone through the self-reflection aspect of it. For sure it was funny. So the therapist that I'm seeing now is not the therapist that I saw whenever my mom passed away. This new guy got trapped in my lap Like the day or two after everything happened at the property and I was like, oh, my goodness, hey, sorry, here's a quick rundown on my past trauma. And then let's get to the meat and potatoes of why we're here. And I was like, holy shit, yeah. And he was like, well, I mean, he's like honestly, I'm really impressed with, like, how self-aware you are. And I was like, well, thanks, but like also, we're going nuts up here, let's figure it out Right.
Speaker 1:We need some help today.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm here for the racquetball conversation that I need and like that's really what I use therapy for is just to have somebody that I guess can have that open mindedness about whatever it is that I'm speaking on and then be like, oh okay, well, I'm going to ask this, see how they respond and then see where my head goes with it.
Speaker 1:It just works for me and a lot of people it does work, for A lot of people need therapists and somebody else to talk to, and it also helps to have someone who don't really know your life Exactly. You get to tell what you want to tell and they don't know any backstories and things like that. And even if you're not seeing a therapist maybe there's a new friend or something like that that they don't know shit about your life, they're just coming into it in the mix of the chaos and they see it differently. Yeah, and that's helpful, absolutely helpful, because sometimes you don't want to talk to people who know, yeah, anything and yeah, the response is different.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, I have also figured out.
Speaker 2:this is my first male therapist that I've ever spoke with before and the I feel more open with him and I don't know if it was because I just had to lay everything out right on the very first appointment and like yeah, just get into like hey, help me please right now and I don't know if that's why our relationship is different or but like I think I might find my finally found a really good therapist like my the other people I've seen in the past, and like I guess it's working, or like I think it's time for us to break up for a little bit and I'll come back to you whenever I feel like I need your assistance, kind of thing. It was a very on my terms relationship with my therapist in the past, whereas now I feel like I'm more invested in the long term of making sure my well being is in check.
Speaker 1:But I think that's just like finding a doctor that you like. I mean you, especially with therapy, you have to find somebody that gets you who you don't feel judged, who's gonna go along with it and who you're comfortable spilling all your shit to. I mean, I think that's just part of the process and you may go through several, like I said, the guy that I seem super nice, really liking, but I don't think he knew a damn thing about grief, so I wasn't staying. And then by then I'm like, because it was later on when I decided to see a therapist. And then by then I'm like look, I've done half the initiative by myself, so let me just keep going. Exactly, I was interested in finding nobody else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, and it gets it, does it gets exhausting. I mean, it's almost what I mean. I'm happy that this therapist happened to fall into my lap, the way that it that it worked out. But I mean, A couple of people that I know have been shopping for their mental health providers and it breaks my heart to see them going through like. That's not the one for sure.
Speaker 1:And you know. And then you have to keep repeating the same shit of why you're here in the first place. Exactly, yes, yeah, like. Can you just give me my my book that you wrote down so I can just pass it from one person to another. They can read it before I even meet them. Yeah, there's gonna be a better way here to shop for a therapist.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's, it's definitely a, and I wonder if they do it as like a test to see, like, how open you'll really be with them versus the notes that your previous provider may have handed off to them. But also, I mean, when anyone takes notes, typically it only makes sense to you, not to anybody else. So, yeah, unless you're getting real specific about what's you know, your, your charting aspect of things.
Speaker 1:Right, which most people are. So yeah Well, is there anything else you would like to share?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean it's been. It's interesting to see, like, the amount of grief and tragedy that has happened in the and the time that Thomas and I have been married to each other you know and to see how truly differently everyone really does handle their shit. And, at the end of the day, like you, just gotta find your people that get you and that you're okay with being who you are.
Speaker 2:Yeah unapologetically yeah, just like. Hey, I'm. I know I'm being a tyrant today, but you're going to tough it out because this is where I'm at Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a. I mean, yeah, since you and Thomas have been together, I mean there's been a lot of shit, yeah, just overall in between deaths and lost friendships and shitty family members and just the variety of things. Like life is crazy and sometimes you sit back you're like who's fucking life is this and who does this shit? Like literally I was talking to, I was talking to Nancy last night and we're like what the fuck? Like, who does this?
Speaker 2:I know it's crazy, and I mean of course every family thinks that their family is the craziest family on the planet, but by far I will say we might take the cake, or two.
Speaker 1:We definitely take a couple on some of the sides. It's. It's fine Where's there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, but, like, at the same time, it's it's really cool to see the people who are your people, even within your like. In my family I was taught, you know, blood is blood and they're always there and that kind of thing. But and the reality of it, like it takes two people or you know it's effort on each side and you know if one side feels slided and any type of way, then you know a wall goes up and you're just like, all right, well, I'm here if you decide to do XYZ. You know, and it's hard to as an, it's hard as a, as an adult, to have to, like, put your chest out and have to say those things to people that you thought like were your people.
Speaker 1:That's hard, yeah, but as when. I've learned more recently that when death comes, man, you lose a shit ton of people, oh yeah, and then you lose a shit ton of people that you wouldn't think. And then on the other side of it, you have people show up that maybe was just acquaintances for years, never really in your friend circle or never really hung out close. But then they are the ones that show up and are like hey, what do you need? And they're there, which, yeah, blew my mind. I mean, I don't know if you can tell us exactly how all that played out, but and then you find new people that may have not been in your life If this didn't happen. So it's just yeah, it's all sucked up. Definitely. This is just crazy, but this is the life we're living in. What do you do? You keep going, and yeah, for me there's no other option.
Speaker 2:You just keep going and see how the shit plays out. Definitely it's my. So my mom's side of the family is quite large. She was one of 10 kids and there's eight out of the 10 kids are still living and they're Everyone. All all of my mom's family kind of lives about 45 minutes away from me here and I, jokingly, was talking to my therapist about going to my cousin's funeral and I was like, oh, yeah, well, I'm going to the family funeral home and he was like what? And I was like, oh, like, since I've been six years old, anyone who dies in our family and that's they go there like no questions about it, and then you get buried here and there's that twisted sense of humor.
Speaker 2:It's like Like, oh, other people don't have Geez and you know like it's sad, but you know it funerals, it's the people come in from out of town and the Time that you usually don't get to see people. So my family is twisted and morbid. So we take pictures and and Thomas Thomas thought that was real fucked up.
Speaker 1:He was like what are you guys?
Speaker 2:He's like what are you guys doing? I was like it's close casket, it's fine Her hair looks fine there.
Speaker 2:She don't know. Oh man, yeah, it's a Mm-hmm, weird, funny, funny thing that happened at my cousin's funeral. I Was standing there talking to my aunt and a couple of my cousins, and one of my uncles walks up behind me. He's using a walker and everything and he looks at me. It was like oh my gosh, hey, how are you? I was like oh, I'm doing great, it's so nice to see you. And he was like I have been calling your mom and she has not been answering me. Oh my god. And I was like but if you were All part of, she needs to get a hold of you. Meanwhile, the rest of my family all turns their backs to me because they can't keep a straight face and all I'm thinking is, if her brother gets it, know that she's dead. I'm not gonna tell him in the middle of the family funeral home where he's gonna be next.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I, I don't just. And then you get to a point where you're like, if you don't joke about the shit, wait, what do you do? I mean, yeah, if he, if he didn't know, and we're through what? Three years in, yeah, we're gonna.
Speaker 2:I'm like.
Speaker 1:I'll let her know. Nobody invited into the funeral.
Speaker 2:Oh, no. So my aunt was like oh, did you take your vitamin whatever today?
Speaker 1:and he was like oh, oh, oh yeah, we're definitely gonna not gonna repeat that she died no reason like you're reason for it.
Speaker 2:I Don't think so at this point no, we did.
Speaker 1:When my grandma was dying, she's to talk about my grandpa, who had passed years before her Mm-hmm. She was talking about him like he was alive, and finally you just get to the point when why argue with her? Why tell her he's not? Just, yeah, he's wherever you think he is. If that makes you happy, then that's what. That's the story I'm going with. And so you, some people would get bad and some people would argue with her and I'm like for what though? She's fucking dying. She Just tell her what she wants to hear.
Speaker 2:Make her happy, exactly exactly, and I'm like you know.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna tell her over and over again that her husband died. I'm not the one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like what, why make someone it's, you know, kind of like the 51st States thing, like right, exactly, that's awful. No, let's do that. And just you know what I haven't heard from him either, and what an asshole they are Right, but hey, tell him call me if you Mean exactly, yes.
Speaker 2:Oh, one of my friends. She's a, a psychic medium, so I I kind of have like a Someone of a direct link into my parents whenever I feel the need or if they have something that they really need to tell me. All of a sudden I'll get a call from her, which I mean we talked regularly. But I'll get a serious phone call and she was like hey, your mom told me this and it's like I'm tired of listening to this song and you just got to know this stuff and I'm like, okay, cool, thanks.
Speaker 1:And but it's those little tidbits that You're like, oh okay, she's. Yeah, that's exactly little, those little things. Seeing a medium did help me a lot. So yeah, I mean, and he and I are now friends so he will be he has agreed to be on the podcast, so hopefully, the next setup.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's nice to have those little tidbits that you're just like, okay, just, even if you weren't thinking about it, that it's just there to go, either Exactly yeah, and she'll just like, or I'll randomly there's a certain part of the our driveway.
Speaker 2:Whenever I'm driving, like to leave, I Always see cardinals like move down right there, and I'm like, oh and like. I saw my mom's a dragonfly. I learned that, which, I mean I always kind of suspected that. But yeah, she's a, she's a dragonfly. I, I think my dad's a squirrel, but I'm having figured out his actual creature yet, so to speak.
Speaker 1:I Think KJ's is a red bird. We have a certain one that I think is him, but today I we have a breezeway and I walked out. I Walked outside to go feed the cow and and a male red bird stuck on my breezeway not the one that I think is KJ so I catch you and put my hand out for him to fly away and a little bastard, turn around, bit the shit I love me. Before he left. Look, which is crazy to me, because for years KJ talked shit about you're the animal whisperer, all the animals like you. Look, mm-hmm, not lately the bird done. Bit the shit out of me. Oh no, we went.
Speaker 1:We went to the petting zoo last night and there was a reindeer. I've been want to see a reindeer. He wasn't having it. Then they had camel and I love me some camel and me and this camel was friends for a minute, so we weren't. Then he tried to fucking eat me. So the moment I got the bird this morning I was like look, fuck these animals, I'm done. They all used to like me, but not anymore.
Speaker 2:They said come back to us in 2024. Maybe something yeah turn over a new leaf. This is that working.
Speaker 1:I'm like what is wrong? I'm not used to this reaction from animals.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my gosh, that's crazy. One day We'll get some animals out here I can have, you can have. I know I got. I got to find another cow for him to have a friend, though I think Thomas said no, I Know, but what's he gonna do if the cows just here I Got here? He walked this whole way.
Speaker 1:We can't send him back, and these are the shenanigans that we get into, why I can't be trusted. All right, girl, we're gonna end it on that note. I appreciate to be in here and sharing some of your story with us. No problem, thanks for having me. It was me All right, thank you, we will. Maybe we'll see you again. All right, sounds good. All right, thank you. Bye.