Grief Sucks - Life After Loss
Grief sucks! Let's talk about all the things people don't talk about when losing someone. Grief doesn't only come in death. You can grieve a friendship that you no longer have. Or a relationship that no longer exists. We often do not hear people talk about the unfiltered, raw emotions and thoughts that come with grief.
Did you hear a song today and bust out in tears? Did you see a picture and get pissed off? Did you cry for two seconds today and then you were okay? Have you lost your shit in the grocery store because suddenly grief took over? Are you scared that every little thing would kill you after the sudden loss of someone close to you? Do you feel like the people who was once close to you are no longer there?
LET'S TALK ABOUT ALL OF THIS!!! It's normal. Someone recently told me, grief is healing. I never thought about it this way. It makes sense, so let's heal together through stories, tears, laughter and the raw truth.
I am Linda Carter. I am a widow without a filter. 2021 brought a ton of loss and heartache to my family. We lost my husband and mother-in-law in the same day. That day happened to be my 40th birthday. The loss didn't stop there, we had more deaths, friendships changed, relationships changed, some people disappeared, and some showed up. It was crazy. My hope is that this podcast will help people tell their stories and help others heal or just simply know that you are not crazy. This is real shit and yes, it is happening to you. However, you will get through it.
Grief Sucks - Life After Loss
Wading Through the Waters of Grief with Wisdom
Ever found yourself adrift in the murky waters of grief, trying to grasp at normalcy while juggling the unforeseen burdens of loss? I, Linda, am your companion through this maze, as I reveal my own journey through the emotional fog. In this heart-to-heart episode of Grief Sucks Life After Loss, I pull back the curtain on the mental blocks that can immobilize us and share my resolve to push through for the sake of creativity and healing. And while we often wish grief came with a handbook, I take a moment to discuss a critical checklist circulating on social media, which could be a beacon for many navigating the aftermath without a guide.
As a solo act this time around, I tackle the unspoken yet crucial to-dos that can alleviate the stresses of those we leave behind. From designating bank account beneficiaries to preventing the legal labyrinth of probate with a transfer on death deed, I lay bare the practicalities that come with the final curtain call. Sharing insights into living wills and durable powers of attorney, I aim to arm you with the knowledge to honor last wishes with dignity and grace. So join me as we confront the inevitability of loss with foresight, ensuring our loved ones can mourn without the added weight of legal entanglements. This episode isn't just a lesson in preparedness—it's a heartfelt guide through the thorny path of loss, leading to a clearing of peace and preparedness.
Here is a link for a planner where you can leave all of your important information for your loved ones. https://amzn.to/43Y0Ti3
Welcome to Grief Sucks Life After Loss. I am your host, linda, and today I am solo. It's just me. Today I have, I guess, kind of been in a funk and I've been doing everything. Last minute it seems like, and I don't know what's going on, I guess it just seems like I just don't want to do much and it's like a mental block and I think we get good at being good around everybody, but sometimes we just get in a funk and we don't want to, not even that we don't want to. For me, mentally, it's just like I'm stuck and for in the or in the job area that I am in. That's not, that's not a good place to be. I need my creativeness in to not be have a mental block. So that's where I'm at, unfortunately. Um, obviously we talk about grief comes and goes and it's not even like I'm sad or depressed or it's just a funk, and I feel like I didn't have as much of this prior to the last two years, but we just keep going and figure out how to get out of it right and figure out how to get out of it right.
Speaker 1:Today I wanted to talk about some things that maybe we don't think about and, depending on which side of this grief you're on, you may have thought about it, you may have went through it and you may not have. I guess it just depends on how involved you were in the planning process or the closing everything out process or just handling all the things that need handled when death happens. There's a Facebook post that's been going around for a while and I wanted to talk about it a while ago but then I couldn't find it and then suddenly it popped back up, so I thought that would be a great time to discuss it, and it's basically a list of things that is important to do and easy to do just in a day-to-day to help your family in the event that you pass. Obviously, we're all going to pass at some point and we don't know when that's going to happen. Hopefully later than sooner, but we never know. It's just. It's something that sometimes we don't plan for. In my situation, we definitely didn't plan for most of the part. We did have some life insurance, but other than that that was pretty much it. So I had a lot of things and hoops to go through and learn. So we'll go through this list and kind of discuss it a little bit.
Speaker 1:First one is make sure all bank accounts have direct beneficiaries. The beneficiary needs only to go to the bank with a death certificate and ID of their own. This is so easy to do. It's totally something we did not do, did not think of, didn't know it was a thing. If you just go to your bank and add beneficiaries to your account, it is so much easier, when you die, for them to deal with the bank. The bank is not a fun place to deal with this and since my husband died, any account that I have and since my husband died, any account that I have I add beneficiaries. It's just one easy thing to do. That is just. It makes it so much easier on the person that's handling everything.
Speaker 1:Transfer on death deed. If you own a home, completing this document and filling it out with your county saves time, your heirs thousands. This document allows you to transfer ownership of your home to the designee. All they need to do is take their ID and your death certificate to the county building and the deed is signed over. Doing this will avoid having the home to go through probate. The ideal of this list is also to help not go through probate, because it is a long process, it is an expensive process and it just simply sucks. So you can transfer on death on your deed. So it makes everything easier.
Speaker 1:You can have a living will. This allows one to put in writing exactly what you want done in the event you cannot speak for yourself when it comes to your health care decisions, as well as other final decisions. Durable power of attorney allows one to designate a person to make a legal decision if you are no longer competent to do so. Power of attorney for health care this document allows one to designate someone to make health care decisions for you in the event that you cannot. A will designates or the last will and testament designates to whom personal belongings will go, to Whom the administrator will be. But if you have a beneficiary on any of your financial accounts, that will override a will. For instance, if you say I leave all my possessions to my daughter, susie, but on your savings account the beneficiary is your best friend, then the money goes to your best friend.
Speaker 1:A funeral planning declaration allows one to say exactly one's wishes as far as the disposition of the body and the services. There's also paperwork giving someone all rights to make the decisions regarding the body and the services. There's also paperwork giving someone all rights to make the decisions regarding your body and final arrangements, to avoid any confusion as to who makes these decisions. If the above documents are done, you can avoid probate On the funeral planning. On the funeral planning, um, you know, you can always go directly to the funeral home and go ahead and plan your services.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and pay for those services, make payment plans, start paying on them now, and that would help your family not have to sit there and plan the things, figure out how they're going to pay for the things I don't see and I'm going to go ahead and add, because I don't see life insurance on this list but it's very important. It's not necessarily something that's expensive to do, but it can make a difference in a lot of things. Um, for me it wasn't a ton of money, but it helped me be able to stay in my house because I was a stay-at-home mom. I didn didn't have a regular income. So to lose him and everything that came with it and all the things that he did to earn income and everything, that part of that insurance money helped us be more secure to know that I could take care of my family for a little bit, to know that I could pay my mortgage, I could pay the car payments and all of those things. So that's another thing that you can do. It doesn't cost too much, depending on you know how much you have. So it's just something to think about.
Speaker 1:If all of the above is not done, you have to open an estate account at a bank. All money that doesn't have direct beneficiaries goes into this account. You have to have an attorney to open the estate account. The attorney also has to publicize your passing in the newspaper or post publication at the county courthouse to allow anyone to make a claim on your property. It's a complete pain. Yes, I'm going to say yes and no on this, because If you open an estate account, yes, it can all go in there. However, however, you can also access these things if there's no beneficiary, with a form, a death certificate, an ID and some time. So that's not totally true, because I've done it. However, it's just easier to have a beneficiary, so it's just taken care of.
Speaker 1:Nobody wants to create an estate account. Nobody wants to deal with a probate. It's. It's a long process. You can make a list of all your bank account numbers. All investment institutions with account numbers, list of credit cards, utility accounts, etc. Leave clear instructions as to how and when these things are paid. Make sure your heirs know where life insurance policies are located. Make 100% sure someone knows your Apple ID, bank ID, account logins and passwords. Make sure you have titles for all vehicles, campers, etc. Set up a trust for intended beneficiaries, especially those that are too young, and appoint a trustee of said trust. Most importantly, talk to those closest to you and make all your wishes known. Talk to those whom you've designated as well as those close to you whom you did not designate. Do this to explain why your decisions were made and to avoid any lingering questions or hurt feelings.
Speaker 1:There is a book. I first seen one at our local Hallmark store, then I recently seen one in just a small shop in a little town Just a small shop in a little town. Anyhow, this book is just a book to write down all of this information so that it's easy for the person handling everything to know where to find the things, how to handle the things, get account numbers, get passwords and all that stuff. I will look on Amazon and link one um in the description, because I think that they are a great way to keep track of everything and for just in case, um, because obviously it is a lot to deal with and it's a hard process to go through and figure out what the hell you're supposed to do and what you're not, and what you're supposed to pay and all of the things just things you don't think about that come up and sometimes they're years later. You're like, oh shit, I forgot about that. Um, so those are just some things that that can help, and this is a short episode today because, like I said, I am in a funk.
Speaker 1:I do want to thank you all for following and, um, listening. We have passed. I think. When I looked a few minutes ago, we were 1,086 downloads, which is so exciting, because when I started this, I didn't have expectations. I didn't know where this was going to go and, hell, maybe 1,086 isn't that much. But for me, not having expectation, not knowing if this was going to help anybody, not knowing anything at all and just winging it and going in the way that I did, obviously, I hope it helps. People are listening and I appreciate that more than anything, and I appreciate that more than anything, and sometimes I get lost for words, but I appreciate you all listening, and the next episode will be a little bit more interesting Because it's rough for me doing solo episodes and we totally had one planned last week and I had to cancel it, so I just wanted to jump on and do a quick one so that we didn't go without this week. I hope you all have a great week, fantastic weekend, and I will talk to you next time.